It was a strange feeling. A sudden rush of adrenaline. She had control over her smile but not over those heart beats. Her eyes refused to look away and her ears refused to miss even a single conversation. She had enough reasons not to forget this journey of 20 hours for the rest of her life. She found something she had lost long ago, something that she couldn't name - maybe a spark, an inspiration, a purpose or the child in her?..she didn't know.
Amidst this beautiful journey of emotions, feelings and happiness, she heard her conscious saying -
"Have you lost it? You are married!! You cannot have such feelings for another person and that too for an absolute stranger! You should be ashamed of yourself. This is infidelity!!"
She quickly looked away from him and stared outside the window. She wanted to feel apologetic but something within kept telling "you aren't wrong". After those futile attempt to feel sorry, she finally mustered the courage to speak her heart out.
She closed her eyes and was shouting, literally shouting with her lips sealed!
"Why on earth should I feel sorry? How does my feelings have anything to do with infidelity? Not for a moment did I feel "I wish I was married to him", not for a moment I felt "This journey should never end". Not for a moment the thought of comparing him with my husband come to my mind. In fact the idea of sharing this experience with my husband is there on my mind but yes to be honest, I was looking for a way to best portray this experience so that he doesn't misunderstand me. Yes I said "misunderstand" me (which itself explains that what my husband might think is "not correct"). Then why should my fidelity be questioned? This stranger makes my heart happy, gives me a sense of freedom, makes me believe that life is beautiful. That's it. FULL STOP.
Had he been a lady, would my conscious question me about my feelings? I read books, I am mesmerized by some of the male characters and have Exactly the same feelings for them - does my conscious question me then? No it doesn't. Because that's convenient!
Summing it all up - a lot of people can make you skip a beat, a lot of people may give you the reason to live, a lot of people can give you back your lost smile. It's absolutely okay to let your heart behave the way it wants to - infidelity is something that crops up in your mind, not in your heart. Heart just knows how to feel, feel unconditionally, feel without being gender biased - it's your mind who strategies and messes up things! Keep your mind stable and let the heart beat, beat unconditionally.
We are humans and not copyright robots"
- Nileema Jain